Schools out and summer is full mode....NOT. The alarm still buzzes at 630, the kids still groan when I pry their fingers from the sheets, the whinnying is awarding winning, and the fights put the WWE to shame. I in visioned a summer filled with laughing children, Pinterest parties and pool lots of pool time. My kids are 3 and 10 they need a summer.
I spent hours planning our relaxed summer of adventure, games and...who was I kidding.
When planning the summer for my kids I thought one camp per month was a great idea for my ten year old. Well let's all agree that was a great thought but when put to paper ..not as good. After much deliberation and many moans we agreed on 4 camps. Ok so one more no big deal. Camp one began the first week of summer. So week one I became mom the driver. Yes a carpool would have been helpful, that was an after thought. I pried everyone out of bed, which my children are sleepers, got everyone dresses and teeth brushed. Hair was optional and clothing well that's a later story. But if it fit, it worked. The battle of breakfast begins... The little one hates breakfast until it is on her brothers plate and begins battle one. She grabs, he grabs and it ends up on the floor with me re-making the meal. Score mom 0, children 1. Both children in the car with seat belts, battle 2...won. Mom 1, kids 1. I only note the win because it will probably be my only for the day. After a 30 minute drive to camp in 8 am traffic, we drop off and begin the race. The race- the time between drop off and pick up where completing one task is a victory. This task is usually taking my 3 to play with friends somewhere other than a house. Once inside said location my only goal is to do, see and wear her out to avoid battle 3, the exit. I am always amazed at other parents tactics in public. You have the ........
I realize I have 15 minutes to get the big one with a 30 minute drive and no prepared exit strategy. Battle 3 starts slowly, ok it's time to go, no. Let's get our shoes and say goodbye, no. Give hugs and high fives (in my overly nice voice), no. Give big hugs and lets go get brother, no. Come on (irritation in my voice is growing) NO IM NOT GOING.. At this point I hold my stare, firmly plant my feet and attempt to pick her up...and flailing begins, arms going, legs kicking, head banging. And we make it to the car. Mom 1, Kid 2, that's one for the kids. We made it out but not without a large scene. Battle 4 continues in the parking lot. She has increased the jerking, hitting and screams. I look like I'm trying to kidnap the child as she holds the side of the car and I use my whole body to force her in the car. Mom 1, kid 4, I'm sure someone is calling the police at this point. I bribe her with a snack. This is battle 5 and another win for the kid. Every item I offer her is yucky. When I run out of options she must look on her own to confirm I am in fact telling the truth. Yes handing a 3 year a box full of snacks, before lunch... Stupid is the only word to use here. Now I fly like a crazy person with full blown road rage to get the big one. Upon arrival he is no where to be found. No big deal call his phone... No answer. Stay calm, get little one out of car seat, find bag of pretzels dumped on floor, topped with water and a sprinkle of blueberries..ignore and enter location. And screaming returns for absolutely no reason. Carry screaming child through whole location until I spot the big one and wave for him to come on. Now mind you I am holding a screaming child, I'm pretty sure I left my car running, we are hungry and tired(even after the 12 snacks in the car) and annoyed. Big one looks at me and continues to play around with friends. Now a major choice in my sons future lies in my hands... Scream like a crazy person at him, while flaying my arms as little one lays on the ground screaming, embarrassing the crap out of him or calmly wait for him to complete his goofing off, offer to take him someone cool for lunch and watch his friends high five him and mention how cool his mom is......his fate is sealed. I do it... Scream like a crazy person! I quickly redeem myself with a cool place for lunch and not letting the baby lay on the floor screaming. Then I offer to take friends to lunch too. Battle 6.... Not even a battle I just ran head first into the opponent. Kid victory. Back to the car and the little one wore her self out screaming, so no battle round here. Lunch, to take or not to take an exhausted 3 year old and sweaty and stinky boy. Like any exhausted mother who has not gone to the grocery store, we stop. I'm not sure the weak hearted can handle our lunch adventure, read with caution. We enter a restaurant full of business people, ladies dressed in heels with no kids and couples sneaking a quick lunch date....I did not get the memo for no kid Mondays. . And we sit in the middle of the restaurant, because the cute little hostess has no children or any idea how annoying they can be to others when they left their own children at home with a babysitter for an hour of uninterrupted gossip and food. Ahh food. I quickly order food and drinks before fully seated or hearing the bubbly blondes name. And politely tell her we only have a short amount of time. Yes I realize 75% of these people are on a time crunch but I'm racing against the nap clock. This is the time frame where the little one gets sleepy and wants a nap but if missed... NO NAP. Now for 20 minutes of entertaining. We start with the coloring sheet provided by the restaurant. Said sheet is obviously to old for the 3 year, so she scribbles on one page and throws it to the floor. The big one is too old for the sheet and rolls his eyes. 15 seconds passed. Now on to books and toys in the bag, that takes 2 minutes tops. counting sugar is always fun for the little one and asking 20 questions to the big one about camp. Big one is annoyed with my persistence and little one has thrown all sugar under the table, 4 minutes have passed. Big one takes a book from little ones stack, little one screams, grabs it and throws it at her brother, hitting a last behind us. Quick apologies followed by the pity look from ladies friends. Spend 2 minutes quietly telling children to be kind to one another. Little one crawls under table to pick up sugar packets, finds French fry on floor tried to eat it, we all gag. Then she hits her head and screams. More potty looks followed by the annoyed face of men and a few laughs from sweet grandmas. 5 minutes pass, while trying to calm her. In a brief moment of escaped reality I imagine waking up taking a hot long shower and spending 30 minutes blow dying my hair and sliding my foot into a tall heel and having lunch with the girls.....Did I even put on deodorant today? The food reaches the table, and more screams of I DON'T WANT THIS. I DONT LIKE HER. Big one leans over his plate and shovels food into his mouth. Little one sits in my lap picking at her food. I have to peeeee, she yells for all to hear. Now a race to the potty, running pass people and dodging wait staff. We made it only to return to the table to see big one done and half standing off his chair. "I'm ready, can we go, I'm done." Not worth the battle, to go boxes it is. Cute blonde has disappeared or gone on break. After what feels like an eternity she appears, with out our check. I politely ask for a box and our check. Returning she forgot the box. The little is now using my as a playground, hanging from my arms, dancing around, jumping in my lap. We have lost the nap race. Boxes are filled, kids are in the car, and we head home. It's only 1230. I have t eaten, peed or showered and now realized i forgot deodorant. Mom 1/ kids 6.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
A day in the life of a stay at home mom
Before I begin I would like everyone to know a few things. I love my children dearly and watching them grow and change is amazing. I am super blessed to be able to stay home with them every signal hour of every signal day. It was by a unfortunate train of events I am able to do so, but I am home. With that said, holy crap it is a hard job the stay at home mom. To all those who stay at home bravo, you are amazing women or men these days.
It took me awhile to find my groove and to be perfectly honest, I'm not completely there. And since I have a 9 year old every other week our routine is constantly changing. Change is goods they say! Are you ready to begin a typical day in the life of a NEW stay at home mom. You might want a glass of wine with this................Monday we get up at 230am, Tuesday 930am, Wednesday 730am Thursday 530am, Friday 800am, Saturday 600am and Sunday 700am. There is no rhyme or reason to this sleep pattern. Sloan chooses when she gets up and to be perfectly honest, I don't get out of bed until she is ready. (unless we have somewhere to be). After we are up we start feeding everyone. You would think I lived on a farm with the amount of food and animals I tend too. The dogs both get wet and dry food mixed accordingly. (at least they are off of the boiled chicken and rice diet. Thank you to a overly sensitive nose during my pregnancy). Sloan goes into the high chair were she may or may not stay for 5 minutes while smashing whatever is on the breakfast menu. She also enjoys adding food to her drinks and drinking her dissolved concoction. Which if looked at by an untrained eye (aka a non parent) you might think it resembles something that came up on your 21 birthday. Non the less she enjoys it and is getting all her morning vitamins. On to the dragons who require a fresh salad of mixed greens, clean water and a quick poo scoop. Yes a fresh salad chopped into bit size pieces for their chewing enjoyment. Sprinkle on some carrots for color and they are good for the morning. Next is the fish tank. You would think this would be quick and easy....WRONG. They need their food to thaw in a cup of tank water while my aunnime is hand feed shrimp, yes hand feed. While my hand is mid way in the tank feeding my guy Sloan stands up in the high chair and proclaims she is DONE, ALL DONE. All while tyring to figure out if she can make the jump to the kitchen cabinet. Only taking one hour and 15 minutes to feed and clean up our mess. Now lets get dressed and head out for the morning. As I round the corner into the living room I notice a 24lb tornado has hit, removing all books, toys, games and dolls from the toy chest. In the 2 minutes it took me to throw not organize the pans, Sloan has demolished the living room. Quick clean up on aisle 2 and I make it to the bedroom. The phone rings and Sloan runs like the wind. Dada, Dada she screams until i put the person on speaker phone for her to hear the voice and yell their name for the next 5 minutes. After 15 minutes of an attempted conversation, I think i know who I am meeting for lunch but not sure where. Ill call later to get this information. Shower is on full blast and I can not wait to feel the warm water. As I slip into a quick day dream I realize my foot is wet. She has managed to remove a diaper an pee on the one area i am standing. Clean up on isle 4 along with a rise of the foot in the blissful shower that I will no longer take part in. Standing in my closet trying to make an outfit choice for the day is no longer how I feel or what is in style. It now consist of can I run in it, climb over things in it and is it clean. While looking for what can only be described as "Sloan wear" I notice socks appearing in my bathroom. Sloan has found every pair of socks in the house and brought them to the bathroom where she is now attempting to put all 100 pairs on. I realize I only have time to brush my teeth and wash my face, yep sweets are the wardrobe choice today, brushing the hair not even a consideration. Grab Sloan and run back through the sock garden she has created. In the car ready to roll. Sounds a bit crazy but I am getting a handle on this and in record time.
Now for our morning outings. We hit up the local mall play areas, swim lessons, gymnastic classes and the occasional play date. Which means adult interaction!!!!! or not. I find myself attempting conversations, then a scream, a cry or the occasional take off running to see if any one is watching happens. By the time you come back to the conversation, you have no ideal what you were saying, so you start again. It is no wonder men and women have such horrible communication problems once they have children. I cant remember what I am saying half the time, so why in the world would I know what my husband is saying to me. For the next hour I have small talk about our kids. I chase Sloan up and over things. Then the death scream and its time for lunch. Where am I going? and what is the annoying noise i keep hearing? oh my stomach because i have yet to eat or drink anything since i got up.
Off to lunch we go. By now one would think i was over the eating out with a 17 month old in tow, but I cant help wanting to sit down and enjoy a yummy lunch. We order our lunch and find a booth near a window for two logical reasons. One, a booth she can stand sit or lay next to me with less of an escape route and two next to a window she can see what is going on in the world rather than sticking food in the persons clothing or hair behind us. That happens a lot followed by the I am so sorry mama my daughter though spaghetti went with your dress. The food comes and I do a once over cutting and rearranging things for Sloan. I have learned to add things from my plate so I do not have slime little fingers in my food. I take a deep breathe and relax a little as Sloan looks through her food and starts to eat. I start to take a bite and relax a little more..........Then I become a human gym. She climbs in my lap out of my lap, hands in food then in hair on my face. The race is on to get the food in and us out. Into the car where i can peacefully eat my sandwich while driving with one knee and returning phone calls. About 10 minutes into the drive and Sloan is out cold, asleep I mean. Now it is a race to get her home so I can have me time.
I carry her in and put the sweet angle down for a nap. She is so sweet with her gentle face and soft breathing. It is amazing we created such an amazing little person. Ahhhhh I'm cutting into my time. On your mark get set go.....I have 1-2 hours to do some laundry, pick up the house, exercise for 30 minutes, shower because I have not done that yet, returning emails and phone calls and finally sit down for a minute to myself. 330 the front door flys open and Brayden runs to get his sister up from her nap. I love to hear them on the baby monitor. She belts out as loud as she can BUBBA. Snacks all around followed by homework and a recap of the day. I have learned my 9 year old does not care if Sloan slid down a big slide at the park but he does humor me with high fives to his sister. With the weather being so nice we hit the park. They can run wild and scream and climb....nope. "when is dinner?, whats for dinner" questions begin. Followed by one fall, bang or slip. Back to the house to play nurse. Then start something for dinner. Which 9 times out of 10 is made with Sloan hanging on my leg and Brayden asking when it will be ready and the dogs pacing like lions. I hear the back door open and the dogs take off running followed by one happy baby screaming daaaadaaaada. Oh thank you, daddy is home looking like his day was as rough as mine. Apparently adults can be just as exhausting as children!
We finish the night with a family dinner, sometimes it is actually edible. I do not cook well. Or who am I kidding I suck in the kitchen. I spend 20 minutes cleaning the mess that Brent and I made while trying to cook around two kids and two dogs. Brayden heads for his shower and Sloan a bath. Now I repack the diaper bag so I don't end up out with no wipes or diapers trying to figure out the best combination of napkins and water to use on Sloan until I can make it by the store. I still have one lunch to make for Brayden. baths are done, lunches are packed and bathrooms dry. Now to get everyone settled in for bed. 45 minutes later Sloan is sleeping, Brayden is reading and I can finally sit down. BZZZZZZZ the dryer is done............
Friday, February 4, 2011
Chicken appearance.
For centuries women have struggled with body image. The magazines keep finding smaller and smaller women to model clothes a normal women can never fit into. The smaller the women, the smaller the clothes. If we could fit into the ridiculously small clothes, they would appear painted on to our bodies with wrinkles and rolls in the most unflattering of places. Why is this the case? Well never mind the answer. I just need something intelligent to start this blog other than the true reason at heart.
After running to catch Sloan over the break and feeling the enormous amounts of jiggle, I decided it was time to get back into shape. So, Like everyone in the country I started on January 1. I mean really there is no reason my arm needs to wave while my hand waves. One wave is sufficient. My butt does not need to bounce like my boobs when I run to catch they baby. And worse of all Sloan grabs my second and third chin while saying gobble gobble. NOT OK. Ladies don't get your panties all waded up. I am not over weight, my butt is not huge. My point is I jiggle and there is no one to blame but myself and my two children.
When I got pregnant with Brayden my belly grew and grew and grew, along with my arms. My legs didn't change. They stayed thin. I didn't look like a pear or a heart, but I looked like a chicken. Big plump belly and boney legs. So I began to restore my body to a healthy looking shape. The ups and downs of life helped me gain and lose weight. Thanks to a divorce, magazine women, loads of wine and a few thousand dollars worth of lipo, I found the body I liked. Yes I said the one I liked. Not Joe Blow or Maxim's idea of a perfect body but one I liked. I wore it with pride and most any of my clothes fit! Then Sloan came along. She gave me same chicken like appearance, big plump belly, meaty wings and boney legs. This time I applied the extra fat to my butt. Add the crispy skin from the tanning bed/lake and I am a fully cooked grade a chicken. I don't like chicken. So here I am attempting to find the body shape I want to wear. Lets get these chicken legs moving. Im running! Next is what I peck off the kitchen cabinet. In my house food is a plenty. I will start there and keep you posted!
After running to catch Sloan over the break and feeling the enormous amounts of jiggle, I decided it was time to get back into shape. So, Like everyone in the country I started on January 1. I mean really there is no reason my arm needs to wave while my hand waves. One wave is sufficient. My butt does not need to bounce like my boobs when I run to catch they baby. And worse of all Sloan grabs my second and third chin while saying gobble gobble. NOT OK. Ladies don't get your panties all waded up. I am not over weight, my butt is not huge. My point is I jiggle and there is no one to blame but myself and my two children.
When I got pregnant with Brayden my belly grew and grew and grew, along with my arms. My legs didn't change. They stayed thin. I didn't look like a pear or a heart, but I looked like a chicken. Big plump belly and boney legs. So I began to restore my body to a healthy looking shape. The ups and downs of life helped me gain and lose weight. Thanks to a divorce, magazine women, loads of wine and a few thousand dollars worth of lipo, I found the body I liked. Yes I said the one I liked. Not Joe Blow or Maxim's idea of a perfect body but one I liked. I wore it with pride and most any of my clothes fit! Then Sloan came along. She gave me same chicken like appearance, big plump belly, meaty wings and boney legs. This time I applied the extra fat to my butt. Add the crispy skin from the tanning bed/lake and I am a fully cooked grade a chicken. I don't like chicken. So here I am attempting to find the body shape I want to wear. Lets get these chicken legs moving. Im running! Next is what I peck off the kitchen cabinet. In my house food is a plenty. I will start there and keep you posted!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
The hard decision
I recieved a phone call yesterday from a women screaming at me. She was irate the gym was closed. She could not beleive how horrible I was to take a deposit on a birthday party knowing the gym was closing. She threated to blog, twitter and facebook about how awful My Gym was. I listen and apolpgized and listen some more. Then I stoped, cried and thought this really sucks right now. I want to yell and scream and blog, twitter and facbook too. This was the hardest most unexpected decision I have ever had to make. it affect some many people other than myself. My parents lost a wonderful program designed to enhance their children in more than just gymnastics. These kids were learning to follow directions, motor skills, self esteem and social skills. The children lost their out let for creativity and imagination. My staff lost their jobs. I lost 3 years of my own money, blood and sweat. I put everything I could into making this gym a succes and within 10 minutes closed the doors and walked away.
I started my journey with My Gym in 2001 with My son as a member. We went every week to enjoy songs, friends and exploring the gym. He loved it and gained confidence, coordination and motor skills. I loved it so much I took a job. I put my heart and soul into my days in the gym. Smiling and laughing kids were such a joy to be around. I felt filled watching each child learn something new every day. I meet my closest friends while working in the gym. We went through divorces, marriages, babies, moving. I felt like part of a great big family. When I bought the gym in 2007. I have no ideal how hard this was going to be. i thought it would be a breeze. I found myself in uncharted waters. Even with the unknown in front of me I felt a since of calm. Every day at the gym was fun and exciting. We would all learn new skills. I perfected my elephant roll. Found working with friends in a horrible idea and resulted in loosing a good friend. I learned a perganat woman can do a dive roll. I met some of the best kids. They taught me to laugh as hard as I could, imagine beyond closing my eyes and run as fast as I could. . They knew no matter what if you were having a hard day and they always made me smile. Kids give the best hugs, tell the best stories and remember eveything you dont think they hear. The job was a true reward and I would not trade on second. However the business was another story.
In a falling economy, people start cutting out the gymnastics, art and music classes. Parents who were once stay at home moms went back to work. Dads lost their jobs and we lost our memebers. i tried to offer discounts and help as many parents as I could. I did not want the kids to suffer because the economy was falling down the toilet. While helping everyone else I forgot to watch what was happening to the business side of the gym. I was so focused on keeping the parents happy and the kids in the gym, my economy was crashing. The second you go from discount discount discount to nothing you get a lot of grife and lots of threats to blog twitter and post about your business. I had a mom demand a discount once by slamming her fist on the counter and quit literally saying i demand. I thought i should try that at Mcdonalds to see if I could get a happy meal at a discount. I keep you psoted on that. I learned if something is not clearly in writting, people will disput it if it is not in their favor. And if it is not written, it does not exsist.
mid way through my blog I recieve a few more calls and emails of unhappy parents. And i thought this is never going to end. One woman scream how could i do this to a 3 year old. While clearly I was or am not doing this intetionally to any child, I listen to her rant. And thought. does she realize i let my own children down, my 150 members kids. They do not understand the back bone of business and this economy and why I had to close the doors so suddenly. All they know is My Gym is gone. She is telling one child who she can make it up to in some way. I am telling 150 children I can never make it up too. The other call was to let me know she would be calling our corprate office to demand a refund of the membership fee. (not the cost of classes the fee to join the gym). Well I would like to call and demand my money back from buying the gym. I think I am entiled to it all refunded back. Just throw it on my debit card where you so kindly take royalities every month. Even though the money was not there, but you knew that.
What that said and the phone down for a few minutes. The family I once felt part of, the support group who I thought had my back, they are gone. Within two days of closing my doors all communication was gone, I was locked off the website and forced to deal with all the consquences on my own. But by God when I bought the gym they were up my ass to help. Can we come out, lets talk weekly, emails regually. My email from the ceo said "sometimes thats the way business goes". Any other communication came in the form of this email came in from a parent, deal with them.
I started my journey with My Gym in 2001 with My son as a member. We went every week to enjoy songs, friends and exploring the gym. He loved it and gained confidence, coordination and motor skills. I loved it so much I took a job. I put my heart and soul into my days in the gym. Smiling and laughing kids were such a joy to be around. I felt filled watching each child learn something new every day. I meet my closest friends while working in the gym. We went through divorces, marriages, babies, moving. I felt like part of a great big family. When I bought the gym in 2007. I have no ideal how hard this was going to be. i thought it would be a breeze. I found myself in uncharted waters. Even with the unknown in front of me I felt a since of calm. Every day at the gym was fun and exciting. We would all learn new skills. I perfected my elephant roll. Found working with friends in a horrible idea and resulted in loosing a good friend. I learned a perganat woman can do a dive roll. I met some of the best kids. They taught me to laugh as hard as I could, imagine beyond closing my eyes and run as fast as I could. . They knew no matter what if you were having a hard day and they always made me smile. Kids give the best hugs, tell the best stories and remember eveything you dont think they hear. The job was a true reward and I would not trade on second. However the business was another story.
In a falling economy, people start cutting out the gymnastics, art and music classes. Parents who were once stay at home moms went back to work. Dads lost their jobs and we lost our memebers. i tried to offer discounts and help as many parents as I could. I did not want the kids to suffer because the economy was falling down the toilet. While helping everyone else I forgot to watch what was happening to the business side of the gym. I was so focused on keeping the parents happy and the kids in the gym, my economy was crashing. The second you go from discount discount discount to nothing you get a lot of grife and lots of threats to blog twitter and post about your business. I had a mom demand a discount once by slamming her fist on the counter and quit literally saying i demand. I thought i should try that at Mcdonalds to see if I could get a happy meal at a discount. I keep you psoted on that. I learned if something is not clearly in writting, people will disput it if it is not in their favor. And if it is not written, it does not exsist.
mid way through my blog I recieve a few more calls and emails of unhappy parents. And i thought this is never going to end. One woman scream how could i do this to a 3 year old. While clearly I was or am not doing this intetionally to any child, I listen to her rant. And thought. does she realize i let my own children down, my 150 members kids. They do not understand the back bone of business and this economy and why I had to close the doors so suddenly. All they know is My Gym is gone. She is telling one child who she can make it up to in some way. I am telling 150 children I can never make it up too. The other call was to let me know she would be calling our corprate office to demand a refund of the membership fee. (not the cost of classes the fee to join the gym). Well I would like to call and demand my money back from buying the gym. I think I am entiled to it all refunded back. Just throw it on my debit card where you so kindly take royalities every month. Even though the money was not there, but you knew that.
What that said and the phone down for a few minutes. The family I once felt part of, the support group who I thought had my back, they are gone. Within two days of closing my doors all communication was gone, I was locked off the website and forced to deal with all the consquences on my own. But by God when I bought the gym they were up my ass to help. Can we come out, lets talk weekly, emails regually. My email from the ceo said "sometimes thats the way business goes". Any other communication came in the form of this email came in from a parent, deal with them.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Top 10 reasons for divorce in 2010
So in 2010 the divorce rate was almost 40%. What in the world is wrong with so many people to get married or divorced or married then divorced. Lets spend 10,000 of thousands of dollars on a wedding, then 10,000 more on a divorce. What were the top reasons last year and can we change those for 2011?
Communication problems: Number 1 reason for divorce. You meet someone, you talk. You date someone you tell all your stories. You know the ones, your "high school and college war stories" The stories you tell over and over to your friends and laugh and laugh but they ARE NOT funny. Perfect communication, you tell, they listen, they tell, you listen. Then those stories become annoying and when you spouse opens their mouth, your whole body cringes. You hope they will dwindle after a while, so you go on and eventually get married. But the stories go on and on and on and on. So you cut them off before they can complete a sentence. Before long the stories are gone along with a part of them. Then you search for other subjects to talk about and realize you are incompatible. You realize you have never carried on a conversation without these stories as the center piece. Maybe you bottle things inside, I'm great at that. Then the bottle becomes so full you explode over dirty clothes in front of the shower door. Or if you are a great communicator, you forget to listen. I love to hear my own voice with a hint of someone else. But man if they get going and going, i wander off to day dream land and completely ignore the words coming out of their mouth. Then there is the last, worse most horrible issue in communication. The you said I don't like green beans but all I heard was you hate my cooking you would rather drink anti freeze. This is my favorite. So for 2011 lets smile and laugh along with those stories, keeping in mind we all have them and love our own stories.
Unhappiness: This is pretty vague. To whatever Dr studied divorce in 2010, you should know happiness comes from within. I don't think we should blame our unhappiness on our spouse. I don't think we can blame our spouse for our unhappiness. Where you happy when you meet? While you dated? While you were engaged? I bet you were, so you got married. Then very quickly the honeymoon phase came to a hault. He opened doors for you, she cooked every night. The sex was amazing. He flew you first class and she cuddled. Now she microwaves dinners, he moves in front of you to get inside from the rain, forget flying first class (it would just be nice to go somewhere) and cuddling.....I have to get up early. All things that are disappointing when gone, but not worthy of becoming unhappy. This all goes back to communication. If you are unhappy with a situation communicate about it. If we can not communicate with the one person we spend 90% of our time with, then we are unhappy. So lets get happy and communicate with our spouse. Start with doing things that make you happy, then things together that make you both happy. Bring back happiness together! Not a worthy reason for divorce, definitely a fixable problem.
Incompatible with spouse: This made number 3. However, I am just not sure how. At some point you were compatible. You meet feel in love and dreamed of the wedding day. What happens after the wedding for you to say "I'm not really feeling like we get along" . You buy a house and cant agree if the color yellow looks better than the tradition tan for the walls. I think this is hand in hand with communication and unhappiness. It just sounds better to say we were incompatible. Are there people out there who just settle for a person because it works and they want to get married, have a family, grow up? Then when it does not work because they truly do not get along, they say to hell with it we are incompatible. I have a girlfriend, who i give a really hard time about how picky she is, but in reality we should all be as picky. She is beautiful, smart and very independent. She dates men, but just will NOT settle for exactly what works for her or with her. In 2011 more people should choose to be picky.
emotional abuse: Once you meet a person, you spend all this time getting to know them. Learning what makes them happy and sad and mad. You have those deep heart to hearts at night, all cuddled up together, feeling like you could never be closer. In reality we are gathering ammunition. Whether you choose to believe it or not, we all use what we have learned about our spouse during those heated arguments. It does not necessarily have to be a story to throw like a grenade. My hubby knows it hurts my feelings to laugh at me when we argue. Every time he feels as though he is "losing" he starts laughing. Every time I get even more heated. We all take that one thing that we were told in the moment, that brought us close and us it as a weapon. For 2011 put down the weapons and try a new tactic. Love and respect your spouse. Show them you love them and respect all the "secrets" they have shared with you.
Financial problemstheres that communication issue again.
Sexual problems: What was once your favorite extracurricular activity with you spouse has become your worse nightmare. You pretend to be asleep, fake a headache, or work late, sneaking in after they are asleep. Well ladies if you choose to lock you man out, just expect they will revert back their college ways and I don't mean hanging out with the slutty sorority, maybe watching it. So when you get all annoyed and angry because all the nasty things you find, remember who locked them out. And men light a candle, give a back rub, run a bath ( for her not you to cram your ass in and make everyone uncomfortable) and those doors will remain open during business hours. Don't expect your spouse to know your in the mood and wait for the romance. Anyone can innate a mood. And DON'T expect Donna Reed to turn into Jenna Jameson after you get married. Sorry guys I could not think of two men other than Tommy Lee. Pretty sure few can measure up to him!Finally, Just accept you should cuddle afterwards. Damn I know its hard but "Just do it".
Spouse’s alcohol abuse: Start drinking with them, If you cant beat them join them! Or drive them around to avoid the DWI and more financial problems. Alcohol abuse is a serious issue and should not be taken as light as I choose to see it. Put down your glass of wine and find out what the problem is. My guess we are back at finical issues. They abuser feels it is there responsibility to provide but they are struggling. Then they choose to drink it away rather than communicate. If not financial, it just a communication issue. So keep communication open.
spouse’s infidelity: Your spouse SUCKS and rightfully deserves a divorce covering all legal cost for being a jackass. They should have communicated the sexual issues and we would be at reason number 8.
physical abuse: Again YOUR SPOUSE SUCKS GET A DIVORCE. Pay the legal cost, just get away from them. Forget the communication issues, financial problems, lack of sex, incompatible, just run.
After all 9 reasons, I stopped and realized divorce is caused by a lack of communication somewhere along the way. After so long of no communication, it turns into some other reason for divorce, which leads to another reason and another. Before long your laundry list of reasons for a divorce is so long you cant remember why you got married. And worse you have spent the last 6 months, 6 years, 10 years living separate lives. Where you grew and changed, they grew and changed and none of it was together. You are now two separate people with no common ground. And you find yourself in Mr Sleazy Mac Sleazy's office trying to take everything you can in hopes it makes you feel a little better for all the crap you endured over the last days, months or years. When in reality had you told them you hated holding doors open or cooking dinner to begin with. You just might have avoided the depression, the alcohol abuse and break down in your marriage. Maybe even those 6 months of lying about fiances and the angry associated within your self. In short there are reasons for divorce but cant we be a little more creative in our ways to eliminate them. I mean unhappiness, everyone is unhappy at some point in life, everyone goes through a finical mess and just because I have a glass or 4 of wine after a long day with them kids does not mean I need a divorce. If you can catch any issue in the began stages, I think you can eliminate reasons for divorce. So lets recap, Communication is key, stay happy within and make sure you are compatible with a person. Put down your weapons and make a budget. And find the reason you married the person you are with. Maybe, just maybe we can lower the divorce rate. Next blog just because MTV pays well for 16 and prego, does not mean get laid by the next Joe cool.
These are my personal views, I am not a Dr. But would accept payments if you feel i should be!
Communication problems: Number 1 reason for divorce. You meet someone, you talk. You date someone you tell all your stories. You know the ones, your "high school and college war stories" The stories you tell over and over to your friends and laugh and laugh but they ARE NOT funny. Perfect communication, you tell, they listen, they tell, you listen. Then those stories become annoying and when you spouse opens their mouth, your whole body cringes. You hope they will dwindle after a while, so you go on and eventually get married. But the stories go on and on and on and on. So you cut them off before they can complete a sentence. Before long the stories are gone along with a part of them. Then you search for other subjects to talk about and realize you are incompatible. You realize you have never carried on a conversation without these stories as the center piece. Maybe you bottle things inside, I'm great at that. Then the bottle becomes so full you explode over dirty clothes in front of the shower door. Or if you are a great communicator, you forget to listen. I love to hear my own voice with a hint of someone else. But man if they get going and going, i wander off to day dream land and completely ignore the words coming out of their mouth. Then there is the last, worse most horrible issue in communication. The you said I don't like green beans but all I heard was you hate my cooking you would rather drink anti freeze. This is my favorite. So for 2011 lets smile and laugh along with those stories, keeping in mind we all have them and love our own stories.
Unhappiness: This is pretty vague. To whatever Dr studied divorce in 2010, you should know happiness comes from within. I don't think we should blame our unhappiness on our spouse. I don't think we can blame our spouse for our unhappiness. Where you happy when you meet? While you dated? While you were engaged? I bet you were, so you got married. Then very quickly the honeymoon phase came to a hault. He opened doors for you, she cooked every night. The sex was amazing. He flew you first class and she cuddled. Now she microwaves dinners, he moves in front of you to get inside from the rain, forget flying first class (it would just be nice to go somewhere) and cuddling.....I have to get up early. All things that are disappointing when gone, but not worthy of becoming unhappy. This all goes back to communication. If you are unhappy with a situation communicate about it. If we can not communicate with the one person we spend 90% of our time with, then we are unhappy. So lets get happy and communicate with our spouse. Start with doing things that make you happy, then things together that make you both happy. Bring back happiness together! Not a worthy reason for divorce, definitely a fixable problem.
Incompatible with spouse: This made number 3. However, I am just not sure how. At some point you were compatible. You meet feel in love and dreamed of the wedding day. What happens after the wedding for you to say "I'm not really feeling like we get along" . You buy a house and cant agree if the color yellow looks better than the tradition tan for the walls. I think this is hand in hand with communication and unhappiness. It just sounds better to say we were incompatible. Are there people out there who just settle for a person because it works and they want to get married, have a family, grow up? Then when it does not work because they truly do not get along, they say to hell with it we are incompatible. I have a girlfriend, who i give a really hard time about how picky she is, but in reality we should all be as picky. She is beautiful, smart and very independent. She dates men, but just will NOT settle for exactly what works for her or with her. In 2011 more people should choose to be picky.
emotional abuse: Once you meet a person, you spend all this time getting to know them. Learning what makes them happy and sad and mad. You have those deep heart to hearts at night, all cuddled up together, feeling like you could never be closer. In reality we are gathering ammunition. Whether you choose to believe it or not, we all use what we have learned about our spouse during those heated arguments. It does not necessarily have to be a story to throw like a grenade. My hubby knows it hurts my feelings to laugh at me when we argue. Every time he feels as though he is "losing" he starts laughing. Every time I get even more heated. We all take that one thing that we were told in the moment, that brought us close and us it as a weapon. For 2011 put down the weapons and try a new tactic. Love and respect your spouse. Show them you love them and respect all the "secrets" they have shared with you.
Financial problemstheres that communication issue again.
Sexual problems: What was once your favorite extracurricular activity with you spouse has become your worse nightmare. You pretend to be asleep, fake a headache, or work late, sneaking in after they are asleep. Well ladies if you choose to lock you man out, just expect they will revert back their college ways and I don't mean hanging out with the slutty sorority, maybe watching it. So when you get all annoyed and angry because all the nasty things you find, remember who locked them out. And men light a candle, give a back rub, run a bath ( for her not you to cram your ass in and make everyone uncomfortable) and those doors will remain open during business hours. Don't expect your spouse to know your in the mood and wait for the romance. Anyone can innate a mood. And DON'T expect Donna Reed to turn into Jenna Jameson after you get married. Sorry guys I could not think of two men other than Tommy Lee. Pretty sure few can measure up to him!Finally, Just accept you should cuddle afterwards. Damn I know its hard but "Just do it".
Spouse’s alcohol abuse: Start drinking with them, If you cant beat them join them! Or drive them around to avoid the DWI and more financial problems. Alcohol abuse is a serious issue and should not be taken as light as I choose to see it. Put down your glass of wine and find out what the problem is. My guess we are back at finical issues. They abuser feels it is there responsibility to provide but they are struggling. Then they choose to drink it away rather than communicate. If not financial, it just a communication issue. So keep communication open.
spouse’s infidelity: Your spouse SUCKS and rightfully deserves a divorce covering all legal cost for being a jackass. They should have communicated the sexual issues and we would be at reason number 8.
physical abuse: Again YOUR SPOUSE SUCKS GET A DIVORCE. Pay the legal cost, just get away from them. Forget the communication issues, financial problems, lack of sex, incompatible, just run.
After all 9 reasons, I stopped and realized divorce is caused by a lack of communication somewhere along the way. After so long of no communication, it turns into some other reason for divorce, which leads to another reason and another. Before long your laundry list of reasons for a divorce is so long you cant remember why you got married. And worse you have spent the last 6 months, 6 years, 10 years living separate lives. Where you grew and changed, they grew and changed and none of it was together. You are now two separate people with no common ground. And you find yourself in Mr Sleazy Mac Sleazy's office trying to take everything you can in hopes it makes you feel a little better for all the crap you endured over the last days, months or years. When in reality had you told them you hated holding doors open or cooking dinner to begin with. You just might have avoided the depression, the alcohol abuse and break down in your marriage. Maybe even those 6 months of lying about fiances and the angry associated within your self. In short there are reasons for divorce but cant we be a little more creative in our ways to eliminate them. I mean unhappiness, everyone is unhappy at some point in life, everyone goes through a finical mess and just because I have a glass or 4 of wine after a long day with them kids does not mean I need a divorce. If you can catch any issue in the began stages, I think you can eliminate reasons for divorce. So lets recap, Communication is key, stay happy within and make sure you are compatible with a person. Put down your weapons and make a budget. And find the reason you married the person you are with. Maybe, just maybe we can lower the divorce rate. Next blog just because MTV pays well for 16 and prego, does not mean get laid by the next Joe cool.
These are my personal views, I am not a Dr. But would accept payments if you feel i should be!
Friday, January 7, 2011
people amaze me.......
I have been amazed by people my whole life, but the past months were more than amazing. And I don't mean in a good way. I am not perfect nor have I ever once claimed to be, but some of the things I have witnessed recently, I look like a saint.
So I find myself in a horrible situation, sick (not insane sick but stuffy head, achy body, sick). Lets go back years and years ago again.........I remember the days of mom and dad catering to my every need, juice and food and medicine at just the right time. And for those of you who know me well I need the best Kleenex to shove up my nose. Yes up my nose, I don't like the runny snot thing. Alright back in present day so I come home from work feeling a little more tired than normal, bit of a headache, but the world still turns. I help with B's math home work which I hate math. I made lunch for school, washed football gear and got everyone ready for practice. The boys leave for practice and I felt as if a mac truck hit me, I fix Sloan's dinner and clean it up, a bath and one baby ready for bed. Then vacuumed the downstairs because the dog hair was out of control. By the time Brent got home I had layered every item of clothing I could reach and curled up in a ball. What should we do for dinner, oh my really I'm in a ball and I'm sure he wants me to get up an d cook. No even better order sushi. OK i love sushi but not when all I can taste is snot. Sushi it was and I hardly ate. Oh Sloan, wheres the baby? on the floor next to me, reading, hugging and kissing me. I think she would have made me soup if she could reach the microwave. (Brayden was at his dads if you wonder why he was not waiting on me hand and foot). We ate and I put Sloan to bed. Then I headed to bed, by this time I had a full fever, swore throat, achy body. I pulled my lifeless body into the bed and covered my head. Finally Brent brought me a soda and Tylenol. Fast forward to Christmas.......Sloan gets a stomach virus. She spends about five hours throwing up every hour. I hold her, comfort her and get juice in her. She is better by morning, tough kid. Brayden comes down with it as well. And I'm pretty sure that kid would have driven himself to the Dr, if needed. Brent gets the same stomach bug and lays on the floor moaning as if he has been shot in the chest. Crawled into a ball holding his knees rocking back and forth. I choose to go shopping. (OK not that bad, but he was moaning and I did give him spirit before i went shopping) If i did not know him any better I would have thought he was dying and I should find a funeral home. I am pretty sure he called everyone in his phone to let them know he was so sick. My point , A women gets sick and the world continues to spin, a man gets sick and the world and anything in 100 miles halts. AMAZING.
Texas football is huge no matter the age and I get that. Brayden plays for a third grade team, who I begged, plead, bribed and cried for Brent to coach. (they had no coach and Brayden really wanted to play) So Brent coached and Brayden played but not with out blood, sweat and tears. I have actually lost sleep over situations with this team. (and football is not the sport i get crazy during) So I can't make it to every game because of the thing I call a job. But i get the play by play from Brayden and I usually send friends or family in my absent. Yes that explains the random people on the side lines now. And I don't go to practices because Sloan distracts Brent and thinks she is one of the players. I would like to set a disclosure with this blog like many others, first....never mind just suck it up. Brent comes home to tell me about a mom yelling in his face one day. Well we talked and laughed through it. because lets just say i have been there done that. Nothing came of it until the next game. She maned the side lines with negative comments to other parents about how awful Brent was as a coach. Fast forward to this past game, again with the negativity and once more with the yelling. The finger in my face, yelling, stomping her foot and flocking the arms, reminded me of a 3 year old not getting her way. If I yelled at any of B's, in front of B and his friends, he would be mortified. If my child is part of a time, then I am part of a team. A team is a group of people who work together to reach a goal. Get some meds and find your happy place, you need to calm down. She treated to pull her chair on the field and halt the game until her son could play in the next game. I I deal with passionate parents every day at work but none like this parent. AMAZING
de friend you thinking you just might twitter, blog or post on face book about them. AMAZING
So I find myself in a horrible situation, sick (not insane sick but stuffy head, achy body, sick). Lets go back years and years ago again.........I remember the days of mom and dad catering to my every need, juice and food and medicine at just the right time. And for those of you who know me well I need the best Kleenex to shove up my nose. Yes up my nose, I don't like the runny snot thing. Alright back in present day so I come home from work feeling a little more tired than normal, bit of a headache, but the world still turns. I help with B's math home work which I hate math. I made lunch for school, washed football gear and got everyone ready for practice. The boys leave for practice and I felt as if a mac truck hit me, I fix Sloan's dinner and clean it up, a bath and one baby ready for bed. Then vacuumed the downstairs because the dog hair was out of control. By the time Brent got home I had layered every item of clothing I could reach and curled up in a ball. What should we do for dinner, oh my really I'm in a ball and I'm sure he wants me to get up an d cook. No even better order sushi. OK i love sushi but not when all I can taste is snot. Sushi it was and I hardly ate. Oh Sloan, wheres the baby? on the floor next to me, reading, hugging and kissing me. I think she would have made me soup if she could reach the microwave. (Brayden was at his dads if you wonder why he was not waiting on me hand and foot). We ate and I put Sloan to bed. Then I headed to bed, by this time I had a full fever, swore throat, achy body. I pulled my lifeless body into the bed and covered my head. Finally Brent brought me a soda and Tylenol. Fast forward to Christmas.......Sloan gets a stomach virus. She spends about five hours throwing up every hour. I hold her, comfort her and get juice in her. She is better by morning, tough kid. Brayden comes down with it as well. And I'm pretty sure that kid would have driven himself to the Dr, if needed. Brent gets the same stomach bug and lays on the floor moaning as if he has been shot in the chest. Crawled into a ball holding his knees rocking back and forth. I choose to go shopping. (OK not that bad, but he was moaning and I did give him spirit before i went shopping) If i did not know him any better I would have thought he was dying and I should find a funeral home. I am pretty sure he called everyone in his phone to let them know he was so sick. My point , A women gets sick and the world continues to spin, a man gets sick and the world and anything in 100 miles halts. AMAZING.
Texas football is huge no matter the age and I get that. Brayden plays for a third grade team, who I begged, plead, bribed and cried for Brent to coach. (they had no coach and Brayden really wanted to play) So Brent coached and Brayden played but not with out blood, sweat and tears. I have actually lost sleep over situations with this team. (and football is not the sport i get crazy during) So I can't make it to every game because of the thing I call a job. But i get the play by play from Brayden and I usually send friends or family in my absent. Yes that explains the random people on the side lines now. And I don't go to practices because Sloan distracts Brent and thinks she is one of the players. I would like to set a disclosure with this blog like many others, first....never mind just suck it up. Brent comes home to tell me about a mom yelling in his face one day. Well we talked and laughed through it. because lets just say i have been there done that. Nothing came of it until the next game. She maned the side lines with negative comments to other parents about how awful Brent was as a coach. Fast forward to this past game, again with the negativity and once more with the yelling. The finger in my face, yelling, stomping her foot and flocking the arms, reminded me of a 3 year old not getting her way. If I yelled at any of B's, in front of B and his friends, he would be mortified. If my child is part of a time, then I am part of a team. A team is a group of people who work together to reach a goal. Get some meds and find your happy place, you need to calm down. She treated to pull her chair on the field and halt the game until her son could play in the next game. I I deal with passionate parents every day at work but none like this parent. AMAZING
de friend you thinking you just might twitter, blog or post on face book about them. AMAZING
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Saturday Saturday Saturday
Saturday began without warning. I was sleeping soundly when I when I heard boys attempting to whisper. I thought I yelled shut up but I think I was dreaming. When I did open my eyes, Brent and Brayden were leaving for football. I knew I had at least 30 minutes so I closed my eyes and wished hard I was asleep. Nope, I got Sloan up and we headed to the earliest game known to man.
Statue of liberty play! So we are losing 4th quarter Brent has Brayden in as quarter back. He was doing good! They set up the play, Brayden drops back and the running back comes behind and grabs the ball. It was perfect, until the crash of helmets and pads. Brayden got the ball off but was sacked. And sacked good. In the moment I knew if her didn't get up he would never play again. So I yelled get up. I'm sure I sounded like a psycho parent yelling at their kid to play with a broken limb. (it was not ) I wanted him to understand a hit would not kill him but knock the wind out of him. He got up and didn't run to me. (which was a bit sad but relieved) He just had the wind knocked out of time for the first time....I was so proud. I'm sure child services is following me for that, but damn it was a great play! By the look on his face in this photo he may have been a bit dazed too.....#32 standing facing us.
Sloan went down for a nap and it was clean the closet time. Now here is my question to all women...why do men pile. We still had a few boxes of winter packed up so i dumped them on the floor. Brent sorted and sorted and piled here and piled there. He claimed he was making some progress, but I couldn't see it! He put shirts over here then moved them over there. I watched for a bit and found no rhyme or reason. But i did snap some pictures.
He was sorting here
This pile moved into the bedroom. I think he may have shoved it into a drawer.
Sloan was in good spirits when she woke up. She cooked and danced in the kitchen. Then she took a break to love on baby Emma. Silly girl.
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